Favourite Wayne and Wanda,
I’m 10 years older than my boyfriend, which I don’t about should matter, but I feel like it’s keeping my friends from validating my relationship.
The way my friends talk about him and our relationship truly upsets me. They refer to him as my “boy toy” and not at all ask me anything about him of substance. They only ask about sex — assuming it have to be amazing because he’s allegedly so young and energetic, right? When I dethrone up serious issues or emotions regarding him, they dismiss me and say things relish my relationship must be so easy because he’s so young and it’s so casual. When I resolve it’s not casual, they just laugh it off.
Part of me thinks maybe they’re mistrustful. We are all around 40. Of my close girlfriends, most are married and not completely tickled pink. A couple are single and always looking. But I don’t think it’s jealousy, at least not entirely. I honestly think they just don’t take him or us seriously because they look at the age incongruity and assume it’s all about the physical aspects. And I don’t think it would be the same if he was 10 years older than me.
He’s a propitious man, and he makes me happy. Why can’t they see this for what it is?
One of my go-to relationship mantras is this: The exclusive people who know the truth of a relationship are those in it. So take a breath and delight in your truth: you’re happy and in love. It’s a wonderful place to be. Age differences be minded.
Still, it’s incredibly frustrating when our squad falls short and legitimate doesn’t get it. We want our lady friends to laud our love affairs and mainstay our happiness, and when they fumble, it’s puzzling. But you can’t let their lukewarm or dismissive opinions throw you off balance.
Focus on what’s before you: There are a lot of positives to rendezvous younger men (besides the obvious sexual and physical attributes). Some relationship experts make a case that successful women will have better luck with younger men because those men thickened up more comfortable with workplaces infused with powerful job women and are less likely to try to be controlling or feel threatened.
Indeed, there are quantities of May-December romances with the coy cougar on top. Actress Gabrielle Union is nine years older than NBA hubby Dwyane Quibble. Supermodel Heidi Klum has dated an art dealer 13 years her inferior. Let’s not forget Kris Kardashian and her much-younger man.
My two cents: Ignore your colleagues’ ignorant and corrosive attitudes and focus on enjoying your relationship.
You ask why your friends can’t see your boyfriend for what he is? I ask you: How often do they in point of fact get to see him? Your letter only points out how your friends talk to him, not how they act around him. And your regular coffee convo subject amount — sex life, how hunky he is and how you’re pretty much robbing the cradle you dirty dog — writes me think he isn’t around for those chats.
If you aren’t incorporating him into your friends-and-family fellowship, it’s easy for them to think that your relationship isn’t serious and that your “boyfriend” is someone you ingenuously keep around for those boring stretches and lonely nights.
Long for to change perceptions and shift conversations? It’s time for them to stop ascertaining about him and start literally seeing how awesome he is, how happy he makes you and how life-or-death you two are. Moving forward, make an effort to create more plans that contain significant others, not just The Girls. For your friends locked down at about with the kiddos most nights, ask if you can bring over some takeout, some drinks and your boyfriend for a adventurous night.
And like your boyfriend, this final idea clout seem out of your age bracket (JK!), but it’s effective: Include him more habitually in your social media activity. Seriously.
The more everyone recognizes you two together and learns about him — in person, online, wherever — the more they’ll cotton on to and appreciate what you have in your life.
Want to respond to a modern column, point out a dating trend, or ask Wanda and Wayne for wisdom in re your love life? Give them a shout at email@example.com.