“I’m chirography this to you out of love, not fear,” starts Meghan Maza Oeser in a sic to her husband that outlines instructions for watching their kids while she’s away. “I demand to go over a few things with you before you embark on this weekend peerless . . . with the others.” In the letter, Oeser details everything from tea overdo preferences to which sippy cup is acceptable for bedtime, and the way she describes her children’s antics see fit make you fall off your chair laughing.
“Upon arriving territory after work, things won’t seem so bad. The others will hug, jump, and for the most divide, be pretty excited to see you. This will be short lived . . . I covenant.” Oeser continues by disguising horror stories as directives that on help her husband “survive” the weekend:
Dinner will suck. Bailey longing want pizza, while Harper will ask for hot dogs. Quinn wish cry when you say the word hot dog, and will insist on mac n cheese (not the orange kind or the silver kind, but the purple kind). We’ll be fresh out of the purple kind, so she’ll ask for toast. You’ll already take started making mac n cheese for Penny, but since she heard Quinn ask for y tribute to, she’ll also want that toast.
You’ll want to sit down and relax after dinner, but I’m omen you against this. It will get quiet…REAL quiet. This is when you’ll fulfil that the threenager has fallen asleep somewhere. Do NOT let the threenager fall asleep. You’re basically f*cked if this develops.
jamas. F*CK jamas. Don’t even ATTEMPT anything but a nightgown for Penny. And if you cannot recover a nightgown for Penny, keep f*cking looking. She’ll ask for her Minnie Mouse nightgown, but again you put it on, she’ll scream in agony because the sleeves are CLEARLY ripping her f*cking arms off. By the skin of ones teeth find her Elsa one. Chances are, it’s dirty as sh*t, but so what . . .
Quinn, Harper, and Bailey inclination go down seamlessly. Just wait. As they lie in their beds, they’ll then recognize that their tiny mouths are on God damned fire . . . They choice come down one by one every god damned five minutes for water. Don’t let ANYONE use Quinn’s pink Elsa cup. If she understands this, she will lose her holy sh*t.
Breakfast. . . . Penny effectiveness want cereal, or she’ll go for toast. Whatever you do LET HER PICK HER SPOON. Chances are, Quinn hand down have the ULTIMATE spoon, and Penny will convince you that you’ve Nautical port her with the sh*ttiest spoon in the bunch. Sometimes I’ll give her a fork, and then go mad her off.
Oeser ends her hilarious note with a few more good fates, a subtle jab at him, and a simple, yet incredible, “Kisses.” Read the whole incredible fetish above.